when I’m a parent, I’m going to give my child the day of the full moon off from school every month and see how long it takes the administration to notice
reason 325 why tumblr users should never be parents
reason 325 why tumblr users should definitely be parents
The Defibrillator Toaster
My mom would be so annoyed… every morning I would run into the kitchen screaming “WE’RE LOSING THEM!!! BEEP BEEP BEEPBEEPBEEP!”
“DON’T YOU DIE ON ME, DAMNIT!!! NURSE, WE NEED 12 CC’S OF CREAM CHEESE, STAT!!!”
He’s bread, Jim.
Time of deliciousness: 7:15 A.M
If we don’t restart his heart , he’s toast!
“Daddy’s in a butter place now, kids.”
I WASN’T EVEN GOING TO REBLOG UNTIL I SAW THE SHIT TON OF PUNS
HES BREAD JIM
AU - The Wolf’s Cub
“What are you singing to her, Doctor?”
“I’m singin’ an old nursery rhyme from Gallifrey. I want to make sure she knows the language.”
OH MY GOD NINE/ROSE CAN I KISS YOU
I think i’m crying
stabbing my face off would have been kinder
this is literally the first nine AU I’ve ever seen of Rose/Nine before, HOLY FUCKING SHIT LET ME BOWN DOWN TO WHOEVER MADE THIS
“The concept is simple. Take a blank sheet with nothing but the basic outline of a pinup girl and illustrate a unique scene around her.”
I’ll probably always reblog this cuz it’s just mind-blowing, holy cow
You know what? I’m going to do an experiment.
I’m going to leave this track here, completely unmarked, and tag it with everything I can. If you like it, reblog it, give it some notes. If you don’t, ignore it and move on with your life. I’ll tag it with a bunch of fandoms, so people can hear it.
Just out of curiosity. Press play and see what happens.
I’ll give you one hint: I consider it beautiful.
After succumbing to a fever of some sort in 1705, Irish woman Margorie McCall was hastily buried to prevent the spread of whatever had done her in. Margorie was buried with a valuable ring, which her husband had been unable to remove due to swelling. This made her an even better target for body snatchers, who could cash in on both the corpse and the ring.
The evening after Margorie was buried, before the soil had even settled, the grave-robbers showed up and started digging. Unable to pry the ring off the finger, they decided to cut the finger off. As soon as blood was drawn, Margorie awoke from her coma, sat straight up and screamed.
The fate of the grave-robbers remains unknown. One story says the men dropped dead on the spot, while another claims they fled and never returned to their chosen profession.
Margorie climbed out of the hole and made her way back to her home.
Her husband John, a doctor, was at home with the children when he heard a knock at the door. He told the children, “If your mother were still alive, I’d swear that was her knock.”
When he opened the door to find his wife standing there, dressed in her burial clothes, blood dripping from her finger but very much alive, he dropped dead to the floor. He was buried in the plot Margorie had vacated.
Margorie went on to re-marry and have several children. When she did finally die, she was returned to Shankill Cemetery in Lurgan, Ireland, where her gravestone still stands. It bears the inscription “Lived Once, Buried Twice.”